Posted in Developmental disability, disability rights, Self-advocacy

I’ll take the ‘dirty’ dick jokes rather than the ‘clean’ r-word jokes, thanks.

I watch a lot of standup.  I watch good standup, bad standup, everything in between.  I just watch standup whether I like it or not.

And I vastly, vastly prefer the comedy that allows for dick jokes and other things that aren’t considered ‘clean’.

Obligatory hot dogs…

Because it’s less likely to seriously offend me.

Because people with intellectual and developmental disabilities are acceptable targets of ‘clean’ comedy.  So when they get rid of all the dick jokes and all the stuff that’s socially unacceptable and ‘dirty’, they’re left with acceptable targets.

Which includes me.

And no, hating r-word jokes is not the same as censorship or not being able to laugh at myself.  I laugh at myself, and at disability, all the time, to the point it makes a lot of nondisabled people really uncomfortable.

The issue is that most r-word jokes are hate.

They’re not meant in good fun.

They say “You’re not a human being.”

It doesn’t matter if you cloak that message in humor, it’s never okay.

The primary targets of the r-word are people with intellectual disabilities.  But it has a broader range than that — it’s aimed in general at a group of people who are harder to define.  Anyone who can be easily mistaken for someone with an intellectual disability, certainly.  And anyone who’s been, in the imaginations of most people, sort of lumped together as this blob of people who aren’t really human beings.  That includes most people with developmental disabilities, some people with cognitive disabilities, and, as I said, it’s a group whose borders are fuzzy and indistinct.  But we’re all lumped together under the r-word in the imaginations of the people who use it.  It’s not a diagnosis, it’s a slur.

And I don’t use the word slur lightly.

To me, for a word to be a slur, it has to be a word that contains within it the notion that the people targeted by it are not really people or human at all.

It can’t just be an insult that’s often thrown at a particular group of people.  It has to be more than that.

The r-word is probably the slur I have absolutely the least tolerance for.

People have been calling me the r-word since I was a child.

My voice sometimes has ‘that tone’ in it that people associate with the r-word.  A sort of ‘dullness’.  People imitating my voice have always taken advantage of that.  And they imitate my posture and mannerisms as well.

By the way it’s very fucked up to have a common mannerism associated with people like you, be the actual American Sign Language word for the r-word.

But you don’t need to speak ASL to use our mannerisms and tone of voice against us.

And yes — people used the r-word on me even when I was technically classified as gifted.  In fact, they told me “Gifted is just what they call [r-words] to convince them they’re doing well in school when they’re really going to special classes.”  I’m not the only person I know with developmental disabilities who was told this growing up.

I was also told I looked like a [r-word] as a way to get me to behave more normally.  It didn’t work.  I never had any idea what they were talking about.  (I also got called “blind” and “psychotic” in similar circumstances.  There was always a tone of complete disgust, like I was a dog who’d just shat on the table at a fancy dinner party or something.)

At any rate, r-word jokes aren’t funny.  At least, not the ones I’m talking about.

And the fact that they’re considered perfectly acceptable for ‘clean’ comedy to the point they seem more common there than in the ‘dirty jokes’ kind, says a lot too much about the society we live in.

R-word jokes are an expression of hate, not an expression of humor.  It’s not just the word, it’s the way it’s used.  It’s the acceptance that those of us targeted are not human beings.  It’s the knowledge that every time someone accepts this kind of hate into their mind, people like me are at more risk of bullying, abuse, hate crimes.  And that most people don’t even register it as hate.  Even though it’s some of the most horrible and dangerous hate I’ve ever seen.

Sacha Baron-Cohen says, “I am exposing.  I am airing prejudice.”  The only problem is that the people [who] are laughing, are not laughing at the prejudice.  They’re applauding the prejudice!  When the joke is “Throw the Jews down the well, kill the Jews” it’s not funny.  But even if it was funny, they’re applauding it.  

Abraham Foxman, “The Last Laugh”

I agree with a lot of the people on “The Last Laugh”.  It’s a documentary about where the line is between acceptable and unacceptable topics for humor.  I don’t think there’s unacceptable topics for humor, but I do think there’s more and less acceptable ways to handle them.  And a lot of it depends on who is saying the joke, how they are saying it, and what they are saying. 

And when I talk about r-word jokes, I’m talking about people without any of the disabilities covered by the r-word making jokes at our expense.  Telling a joke that has real-world consequences and hiding behind “It’s just a joke” is both cowardly and dishonest.  And I feel like there’s a tradition among comedians to hide an immature impulse to do whatever you’re told not to do, behind some kind of pretense of moral nobility.

Give me a good dick joke any day.  Seriously.  Sex can be funny.  Hate isn’t.  At least, expressing hate is not funny.  Tell some good jokes about asshole comedians who think hating people with I/DD is ‘clean’, though, and I might laugh.

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Author:

Hufflepuff. Came from the redwoods, which tell me who I am and where I belong in the world. I relate to objects as if they are alive, but as things with identities and properties all of their own, not as something human-like. Culturally I'm from a California Okie background. Crochet or otherwise create constantly, write poetry and paint when I can. Proud member of the developmental disability self-advocacy movement. I care a lot more about being a human being than I care about what categories I fit into.

2 thoughts on “I’ll take the ‘dirty’ dick jokes rather than the ‘clean’ r-word jokes, thanks.

    1. I wish I remembered people’s names — I’ll try to get back to you after looking some up. I really liked just about everything by Louis C. K. for a long time but after learning some of the stuff he’s done to women, I can’t watch his masturbation jokes without feeling sick to my stomach, and he makes a disturbing amount of those. (I sometimes separate people from their art, I’m not for automatically writing people’s art off because they’re messed up people, but in that case it’s too intertwined for me to not have that visceral “ick” reaction that wrecks it for me now.) So he’s in the past one of my favorites whose name I could remember. But there’s a lot of good ones, including ones where I only saw them once or twice but was amazed by them, and also some of the more famous ones. But I can be bad with names, faces, and telling one person apart from another, so it can be hard to know. At any rate I’ll try to remember (no guarantees) to scour through Amazon/Netflix/Youtube one of these days and get you some names. I love standup. Well, I love good standup, and I watch even bad standup to a point.

      Liked by 1 person

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