Some of the words used in this post are really ugly. That’s because they’re the really ugly words that I heard. I’m not gonna sugarcoat this. But if you can’t deal with reading the r-word in either of its common forms, or hear “psychotic” or “blind” used as insults rather than descriptions, you might want to skip this.
The story here, the reason it’s on Storytelling Sunday, is because each of these quotes forms one little piece of a long story that’ll be familiar to way too many disabled people. And while I’d like the story to stand on its own, I’d just like to comment that I don’t think lesser of any group targeted by such speech. And I don’t even necessarily think lesser of the people creating this speech — it’s very destructive, but it happened a long time ago to a bunch of people I’m leaving anonymous on purpose because who knows how they’ve changed since then or why each one said what they said.
You look BLIND.
close family members
What, are you a RETARD or something?
other kids
You look PSYCHOTIC.
close family members
You look RETARDED.
close family members
Do you have a HEARING PROBLEM or something?
lots of people
What are you BLIND?
lots of people
People think you’re BLIND.
close family members
People think you’re RETARDED or something.
close family members
People think you’re PSYCHOTIC.
close family members
You TARD.
close family members
You’re HALF A BUBBLE OFF PLUMB.
close family members, therapist
You’re A FEW SANDWICHES SHORT OF A PICNIC.
close family members
You’re a FEW FRIES SHORT OF A HAPPY MEAL.
close family members
You DON’T HAVE ALL YOUR OARS IN THE WATER.
close family members
You’re a little bit TETCHED.
close family members
Oh don’t worry, we’re all a little SLOW in this family!
close family member regarding family reunion
It’s only after living with you for six months that I can see the degree of your VISUAL IMPAIRMENT.
close family member
You look STUCK-ON STUPID.
kid
You sure you’re not BLIND?
practically everyone
You CAN’T SEE can you?
practically everyone
Hey look at that BLIND [guy/lady]!
Lots of strangers
You know ‘gifted’ is just what they tell RETARDS they are so we don’t have to tell them they’re RETARDED…
lots of kids
You just seem like a SPECIAL ED KINDA GAL…
A hairdresser who’d asked whether my school was a ‘special school’ (it was).
These things were said in all manner of tones. Some people seemed to be trying to be affectionate. Others were aiming to insult and harm and bully. Others were just confused or curious. But all of this has an effect on you when you hear it day in, day out, every day, in one form or another. Especially when it’s coming from loved ones and people who are supposed to be loved ones.
I’ve asked about the blind part. Apparently it’s about a bunch of things: I stand too stiffly. I don’t make the normal eye movements and look straight ahead too much. (This is just called “staring” and apparently makes me stand out.) I don’t respond normally to visual information. (I am low-vision, guys…) I wear dark glasses in low light. I don’t always move my head or eyeballs in ways that would indicate noticing things visually. I could go on. Apparently I have many things that make me “look blind”.
But hearing these things so much made me think there was something wrong or shameful about being low-vision.
And, well, as I said, the story told by the above quotes most likely speaks for itself when any disabled person who’s heard similar reads it. I just want to make sure people know, my problem here is not “OMG I’m being compared to people I think are inferior,” it’s “OMG I’m being compared to people the speaker thinks is inferior, and being thought inferior myself, but I wouldn’t be inferior whether or not these things were accurate descriptions.
Right now I’m talking about blindness, but blindness is just one of the things that was repeatedly called to my attention as a sign I was Doing Something Wrong, or rather Being Something Wrong (you know you’re being accused of Being Something Wrong when the local kids use your full name as a cuss word growing up). Which — no — doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense, but ableism rarely does.
But it does get inside of you, telling you these things do make you inferior (whether they exist or not barely matters). And I’ve been ridiculously afraid of being low-vision for way too long. Time to change what’s inside my head, time not to let this crap into my brain anymore. You don’t have to accept every idea handed to you, something that was news to me when I learned it rather late.
Cussin' and Discussin' 