Posted in joy

Lindy gets head scritches.

This is after a lengthy conversation that covered topics such as:

  • Do tubes enjoy having liquids pushed through them?  Given that this is what they are designed for, they might well enjoy it.
  • Do tubes ever get bored?
  • Do the multiple available attachments help alleviate boredom?
  • Do tubes ever have a problem with being a tube, or are they free of that particular kind of angst?
  • What do tubes do for fun?
  • Do tubes enjoy having a wider variety of things put into them?

So then I just decided to give Lindy some head scritches because I’d do that for any pet, and that was a bit of a heavy conversation to spring on hir out of nowhere.

BTW to clarify:  When I say that I see objects as alive, this is not what I mean.  This, and anything with Lindy as my pet, is me playing.  Objects being alive is something much deeper and less “They’re just like humans and other animals.”  Objects are their own things, and belong to themselves.

The closest in all of this playing that I’ve gotten to the reality of how I see things is wondering about whether objects that are designed by humans and other animals (humans are far from the only animals who make tools and houses and such, after all), enjoy doing what they are designed to do.  Where ‘enjoy’ is a bad translation for a concept that doesn’t really exist in English.

I live in an apartment, for instance, that genuinely seems to enjoy doing what homes are supposed to do:  Having people live in it, making people comfortable, protecting its occupants, etc.  It both takes those things very seriously and enjoys doing them.  Which is interesting to me especially given that I know enough of the history of this building to know it was not always apartments, it was once a factory or something like that.  But I have never before lived in a home that so much wants to be a home and dedicates so much of itself to being one.

And I have lived in some very messed-up homes.  The house I grew up in had a terrible personality that seemed to encourage violence, strife, and being trapped.  Despite learned helplessness so bad that I often wouldn’t know I could run to get away from abuse, I dedicated a lot of my childhood to spending as much time outside that house as possible. And so did a lot of people.  Nobody really liked being inside it very much, which is probably one reason we got it so cheap.

Places and things do have personalities.  They’re not human personalities, they don’t work the way humans work, and anyone who uses the term ‘anthropomorphism’ and condescends at me about this risks getting virtually trout-slapped.  But ‘personality’ is again, the closest way to translate something that doesn’t translate well.  And some places have bad personalities.

The apartment I live in is the first place I’ve ever lived in that feels like a home.  Apartment, house, converted factory, doesn’t matter, this place wants to be lived in and wants to fulfill all the functions of a home for human beings.  It loves its inhabitants.  (Love, in this sense, is not an emotion.  Sorry for all the word explanations, but things like this are all very bad translations at best.)

And there are ways the tube is alive, but being a pet is part of a game I play with things sometimes.  The way I play such games may be connected in some way to my belief that everything is alive, but they are expressions of playfulness.  For lack of a better word.

I’m saying that because a lot of people when they hear I think “objects are alive” automatically think “anthropomorphism” and proceed to behave in extremely irritating and condescendng ways.  And by the way, please don’t throw the word ‘animism’1 around in these contexts with me either, especially if you’re gonna do so in a way that manages to be both racist and ableist at the same time.  Which it usually is.  Especially when you not only paint it in the most simplistic light possible, but describe it as a phase human beings go through before we really understand the world… I’ve had so many condescending explanations from so many people who have no idea what I actually mean, that it’s gotten ridiculous.

Anyway, cute tube gets head scritches!!!!  And that’s what matters right now.  Silliness is an important part of life.   TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!


1 Also I don’t call myself an animist, just so you’re aware.  There are many reasons.  One is who came up with the term, why, and how it’s normally used.   Another is that whenever people tie me to an ‘ism’ it seems to come with ideological strings attached, so I’d be wary even if I didn’t think of the term as nearly always racist and often ableist.  (The term itself, not the intent of the people using the term, mind you.  This isn’t an accusation towards everyone who says it, just why I personally won’t use it on myself.  Words mean different things to different people and this is not a request for people to use words differently than they alrady do.)

Posted in joy, medical

Meet Linden, my pet feeding tube ^_^

So um.  Sie doesn’t have a name (well sie does by the end of this post, I decided to name hir), and I’m not sure sie’s gonna have a name.  I haven’t named tubes since Enid — long story.

But I swear with the way they move, these little MIC-KEY buttons can look like they’re alive.

So meet my tube. Sie’s a 14 French MIC-KEY button jejunostomy tube, 3.5 cm stoma length.  I think sie wants to say hi here:

I think sie’s adorable.

And yes, sie moves.  Mostly peristalsis, the natural movement of the intestines, but it makes it look like sie has a little head that peeks around.  Most of the time when sie’s in hir dressing sie moves a little less, which is good (you don’t want a J-tube spinning, sie has a long tail inside of me).

Sie’s modular.  Which means that the part you can see is just the part that attachments can clip onto.  There are different extension kits for different types of syringes and feeding attachments and situations, and all of them are pretty cheaply replaced.  Which means if one of your extension kits breaks, you don’t have to replace the entire tube inside you.  You just replace the external extension.  Usually when I’ve had MIC-KEY button J-tubes they have needed internal replacing only every 6 months or less, and in my case we were usually just being cautious and could’ve gone longer.  For some people they last years.

Because there’s not a big giant dangling thing coming out of you, low-profile tubes like MIC-KEY buttons are a lot safer.  They don’t catch on things and yank out very often.  They don’t need to be taped down to prevent movement.  And the ones that do need to be taped down, taping doesn’t really prevent all movement, so they move more and that can put wear and tear on your stoma.  They’re also really good for young children because children are less likely to see a giant dangling thing and play with it and yank it out by accident.

Here are some of my tube’s extensions:

An ENfit syringe putting coffee into a MIC-KEY button J-tube.
An ENfit syringe putting coffee into a MIC-KEY button J-tube.

This one goes to an ENfit connector.  ENfit connectors were designed for everything from tube feeding attachments to syringes, to make it so that it’s impossible to confuse a feeding tube with an IV, a mistake that can be fatal.  So I like the idea of ENfit, although it was messed up pretty badly when they tried to make it universal for all existing feeding tubes and it wasn’t, and neither was their alternate solution.

A dual ENfit extension on a MIC-KEY button J-tube, with a tube feed attached through a purple connector.
A dual ENfit extension on a MIC-KEY button J-tube, with a tube feed attached through a purple connector to one side of the connector.
A dual ENfit extension on a MIC-KEY button J-tube, with a tube feed attached through a purple connector, and a feeding/medication syringe attached to the other side.
A dual ENfit extension on a MIC-KEY button J-tube, with a tube feed attached through a purple connector, and a feeding/medication syringe attached to the other side.

This one goes to an ENfit connector but allows two connections.  This means you could have one part connected to your feeding pump, and at the exact same time be putting meds in the other part with a syringe, without having to unplug anything.

The cath tip syringe attachment for the MIC-KEY button J-tube.
The cath tip syringe attachment for the MIC-KEY button J-tube.

This one allows a normal 60 mL cath-tip syringe to put things into your tube.

Photo on 8-19-18 at 10.03 PM
A two-port tube extension, one for a cath tip one for smaller medicaion syringes, for a MIC-KEY button J-tube. There’s a 20 mL medication syringe attached to the smaller port, with hydrocortisone in it.

This one allows two sizes of syringe — cath-tip and a smaller kind that are often used for medications.

And there are others in various shapes and sizes, those are just the four I use the most often.

Here is a video showing how easy it is to put in the extensions.

My old tube was not modular.  It was a 12-French MIC* J-tube, and it is one of my least favorite tubes.  But it is the only one they will implant surgically, then you have to wait six weeks minimum before you can switch to the tube you want.

A picture of my old feeding tube (the one that finally got swapped out to a decent tube on my birthday), which was not low-profile or modular or just about anything else useful other than just being a J-tube. My skin looks horrible in this photor for reasons, it's nowhere near that bad now.
A picture of my old feeding tube (the one that finally got swapped out to a decent tube on my birthday), which was not low-profile or modular or just about anything else useful other than just being a J-tube. My skin looks horrible in this photor for reasons, it’s nowhere near that bad now.

As you can see in the photo above, the tube is all one piece.  If one part breaks or wears out or stretches beyond usability or gets clogged, you have to replace the entire thing. It’s also a constant safety hazard because no matter how well you tape it down (and taping it down creates its own safety hazards that are different) it’s gonna still be able to move and get caugh on things.

So my new tube… maybe I should give hir a name, I’m just not sure what name to give hir.  I guess I’ll call hir Linden for now, and see where it goes.  I’m just tired of not having a name.  So Linden, Lindy for short.

So here are the official photos of the old MIC tube i had, and the new MIC-KEY tube.  It’s night and day, even though they serve the same function.  The following is a Halyard 12 French MIC* Jejunal feeding tube.  And really sucks as feeding tubes go.

This is the tube that gets surgically implanted by default. It's not a very good tube, it's flimsy, it's not modular, and I was infinitely grateful to be able to get it replaced on my birthday this year. I've had long experience with this kind of tube and most of it bad. It's a Halyard MIC J-tube, 12 French. Most of what's in the picture goes inside you so you don't see it, you just see the floppy part hanging out the top.
This is the tube that gets surgically implanted by default. It’s not a very good tube, it’s flimsy, it’s not modular, and I was infinitely grateful to be able to get it replaced on my birthday this year. I’ve had long experience with this kind of tube and most of it bad. It’s a Halyard MIC J-tube, 12 French. Most of what’s in the picture goes inside you so you don’t see it, you just see the floppy part hanging out the top.

The following, on the other hand, is the kind of tube Linden is, called a low-profile feeding tube or a MIC-KEY button.  This kind of tube is modular and generally wonderful.  Again, the long tail you see is mostly inside of me.  The tail is part of what makes J-tubes (intestinal feeding tubes) different from G-tubes (stomach feeding tubes).

Screen Shot 2018-08-28 at 10.30.20 PM
A Halyard MIC-KEY button jejunal tube shown as the tube part on the right (most of that tail is inside of you so you only see the part above the balloon generally) and then some tube extensions (which help you put things into the tube) and otherequipment on the left. A MIC-KEY button is modular, so the part that is in your body is an entirely separate piece from the part you use to put things into your body. The internal part takes a procedure to replace (you could do it at home but it’s not recommended), but it rarely needs replacing. When the external parts wear out, you can replace them quickly and cheaply without requiring any procedures or even contact with medical people. The lack of dangling parts contributes to how long-lived these tubes tend to be.

So meet Linden again:

A MIC-KEY button J-tube on a large somewhat scarred-up belly with ostomy bag behind it.
Say hi to Linden again!
Linden with hir makeshift paper towel dressing.
Linden with hir makeshift paper towel dressing.

And I hope you find hir as cute as I do, even though a lot of people would find it weird to call a feeding tube cute.  I kind of wish I could give hir decorations, but there’s no way that would either be safe or stay put, so no point.  But I can name hir Linden and show people the way sie moves.  ^_^